Island Richards

Once, in a land called Dariflo, there was an election. It was a contentious election between a Medocratic incumbant and a Pubrelican challenger, both of which were highly qualified for the job of Elections Overseer. The major focus of the job that the Medocrat held and the Pubrelican wanted, as ruled by the House of Lawmakers, was to oversee elections that took place in the land of Dariflo. The Pubrelican challenger waged a mighty battle and, when all was said and done, the people of Dariflo told her that they trusted her best do the job, and they gave her their votes. The Pubrelican challenger unseated her Medocratic opponent and, by the will of the voters, took the position of Elections Overseer.

Some years later a new election divided the people of Dariflo. This time the election was to decide who would be leader of the all the lands of Erimaca. When all the votes from across the lands were in it was so close that a winner could not be declared. It fell to the votes cast by the people of Dariflo to decide who would be the leader of all the lands of Erimaca, but even here, in these sunny lands, the vote was close to a tie. When all the votes were cast and counted, however, the Pubrelican candidate was found to be ahead by a slim margin. “Woghash,” cried the Medocrats! “Recount,” they screamed! “Revote,” some bawled! All was in disarray.

The law of the land called for a recount of all the votes cast in the land of Dariflo, and all sides agreed that it should be done. Over the next day, overseen by the elected overseer of Darifloidian elections, the ballots were put into the counting machines and counted again. When all was counted, the Pubrelican candidate was still the leader, but the Medocratic candidate was not happy, so he requested that the ballots in just a few parts of Dariflo be counted by hand. “Sorry,” said the elected overseer of elections, “but you can only count the ballots by hand if the counting machines made errors.” The Medocrats were angry, and they went to a Circuit Hold Wise Man and asked him to overrule the Elections Overseer.

The Medocrats argued that the Elections Overseer was a Pubrelican so she couldn’t make a fair judgment in this close election between a Pubrelican and a Medocrat. “I can and will make a fair judgment in this matter.”

“The Elections Overseer must consider all, but the decision is hers to make as the people of Dariflo have elected her to do and the House of Lawmakers have given her power to do, though she cannot do so arbitrarily,” he declared!

“Well then,” said the Elections Overseer, “I have heard the reasons given for hand counting all the ballots, and I have compared them to Dariflodian law and previous rulings by Wise Men, and I don’t believe that there is a purpose for a hand counting. So, when the military and the travelers votes have been counted, I will declare a winner.”

The Medocrats were angry once again, and they went back to the Circuit Hold Wise Man and claimed the Elections Overseer had acted unnaccordingly. “Arbitrary,” they yelled! “Partisan,” they cried!

Once again, the Circuit Hold Wise Man gave his opinion, “The Elections Overseer was elected to do a job, and the House of Lawmakers have ruled that the job is hers to do, and she did so justly and to the best of her ability. Her decisions were legal and not arbitrary. I won’t overrule her.”

The Medocrats were angry yet again so they went to the High Hold of the Seven Wise Men and asked them to overrule both the Circuit Hold Wise Man and the elected Elections Overseer.

The High Hold of the Seven Wise Men agreed to hear the argument and offer an opinion. “We have decided,” the wise men said, “and we decided to overrule the Circuit Hold Wise Man and the elected Elections Overseer, and the House of Lawmakers whose job it is to make the laws,” and they proceeded to give all involved new rules about how and when to count votes. “Overreach of powers,” the Pubrelicans cried! “Not their job,” they bellowed! “The House of Lawmakers is going to be ticked off,” they yelled! And so they were.

The Pubrelicans were so angry that they went to the Super High Hold of the Nine Wise Men and asked them to overrule the High Hold of the Seven Wise Men. “We will listen,” said the Super Wise Men, “but not till next week.”

And that is how things stand in the land of Dariflo, Erimaca. We’re waiting till next week.

To be continued….

Wisdom

For the week leading up to November 7, I told everyone the same thing, “I can’t wait till election day, I can’t wait till it’s over!” As the chairman of my county’s Republican Party, I had spent the last six months completely focused on the election, and I was exhausted and ready for it to be over. On the night of the election, I sat there with good friends at a local hotel bar where we all watched the returns together, hoping that the country’s choice for President would be the same as ours.

With scotch and soda and a twist of lemon in hand I watched anxiously as Florida was declared Gore country by the network news affiliates. In that moment, when you are handed defeat, as anyone who dedicates themselves to a cause knows, the world feels as it has come crashing down. I put down my drink, bowed my head, and tasted defeat. When I looked up though, I noticed that something was wrong with the networks projection. There on MSNBC’s little rotating table at the bottom of the screen were numbers that just didn’t support their call. They had made their determination with only 1% reporting, there was still polls open in Florida, and what’s more, Bush was leading in the early returns!

“What the Hell is that,” I fumed, drawing an evil stare from my wife, who obviously just doesn’t take politics as seriously as I do. Over the next hour, I pounded my fist on the table and pointed out to anyone who would listen that the networks were screwing up big time. Some laughed, some took me seriously, and my wife just told me to knock it off. As the returns came in, 3%, 7%, 14%, 26%, 48%, Bush held and even expanded his lead, then, finally, justification! The networks pulled Florida out of the Gore column and put it back up for grabs. “Yes, I knew it, see, I told you,” I declared to everyone within earshot.

That’s when I started to think about the consequences of the networks actions. With polls open across the country, Republicans were told they had already lost the election. Every Republican activist knew that we had to have Florida to win the election, so when they gave it to Gore, we were devastated. Across the country Republican volunteers, who were calling registered Republicans and urging them to get out and vote, put down their phones and went home. Across the country Republicans who were just getting off work checked the news before they headed to the polls and were told that their candidate had already lost the election. They were told that their vote no longer counted, and instead of going to the polls, they stayed home.

Upwards of ten thousand voters in heavily Republican counties in the panhandle of Florida didn’t bother to vote, because they had been told Florida had already decided. In California, possibly a hundred thousand people didn’t vote because they had been told that it was already decided, and their candidate had lost. If the networks had not prematurely called Florida, what would the election look like today?

Right now, after the original count in Florida declared George W. Bush the winner, after the recount of every ballot in Florida declared George W. Bush the winner, we still don’t officially have a winner. Now they are holding a third count of the ballots, and this time they are hand counting them, but only in heavily Democratic counties.

It is obvious that Al gore will ask for recount after recount until one finally calls him the winner, then he hopes to declare victory. He also hopes to use the highly contentious “butterfly ballot” as a reason to force a new election in a single county. Get real! The fact is, two separate counts have given George W. Bush the vicotry, and the fact is, fourth graders were able to use the “butterfly ballot” with complete accuracy. If Al Gore really wants to determine the “true intent” of the voters, he should assume they voted correctly when they went into the voting booth the first time. How condescending is it of him to claim that people who support him are too stupid to correctly use a voting machine?

If he is really interested in determining the “true intent” of the voters, why isn’t he asking for the people in the panhandle of Florida, and across the nation for that matter, who were told their votes no longer counted, to be given another chance to speak their peace and cast a vote.

As far as I am concerned, the “true intent” of the voters has already been found. As far as I’m concerned, the votes have already been counted twice, with the same result. As far as I’m concerned, barring any change that may come from the count of overseas absentee ballots on the 17th, our President Elect has already been declared. Victory!

Congratulations, President Elect George W. Bush and Vice President Elect Dick Cheney! I wish you well in the next four years.

Now I can finish that scotch and soda.

Later for now,

Wisdom