Island Richards

Sometime this week an ignorant, insensitive moron, obviously with an I.Q. no bigger than his or her inseam, decided that it would be a good idea to unload his shotgun in the direction of the Simpson’s Hollow Interpretive Site, a national historic site commemorating the 1857 military face off between the U.S. Army and the then territory of Utah. In the process this person damaged a piece of history that local residents have worked hard to make sure will always be remembered. Without a doubt, what this person did was a crime, and when he or she is caught, this person should be punished.

The question becomes, however, just what is this person guilty of? Doubtless, this person is guilty of vandalism, destruction of public property, and just plain stupidity, but is he, as Mike Brown of the Bureau of Land Management asserts, guilty of a “hate-related crime against Mormons”?

First of all, I have to ask: Why does every dumb thing that some whack job does these days have to be considered a hate crime? Are we so insecure in our accusations against society’s criminals that we need to further explain their actions to ourselves? Isn’t a crime just a crime?

Well, if it is explanations we need, try one of these on for size.

The federal government would explain the aforementioned act as a hate crime against Mormons. Why? Since the memorial represented a moment in history important to the Mormon church, this is the most obvious, and easiest, solution to accept. Or is it?

The Simpson’s Hollow Interpretive Site was made possible through a collaboration by the Rock Springs Stake of the LDS church and the Farson 4H Club. Maybe the perpetrator had something against the 4H’rs? Maybe he had a bad experience at the Sweetwater County Fair when he was young and nobody bought that prize pig he had spent so much time feeding and cleaning up after. Maybe, after a calf that he raised for slaughter was actually slaughtered, thus breaking his heart and forever corrupting his delicate state of mental balance, he swore to destroy all things 4H!

The other party that was involved in the face off at Simpson’s Hollow back in 1857 was the U.S. Army. Maybe the perpetrator is an anti-military protestor who was idiotic enough to use a violent act to voice his cause of peace? Maybe he is a closet homosexual who was denied entry into the Army when his recruiting officer learned his deep dark secret? Heck, maybe he just hates camo green? Regardless of the reason, could this have, just maybe, been a hate crime against the U.S. Army?

Since this was a national historic marker that was victimized, owned by all Americans, could it be that this cretin was really striking out against Americans! Could it be that he had a bad experience as a toddler in which he almost choked to death on a United States map that he just happened to be snacking on? Was he visiting the Lincoln Memorial as a child when he walked into a marble pillar and broke his nose? Maybe he’s a communist who has vowed to destroy all things American?

It is said that “history belongs to the world”. If this is the case, is it possible that the foul little creature hates the whole world? Is he angry that he was born with a not so sound dose of common sense? Is he ugly, unliked, unwanted and just plain dumb? Is he on a mission to destroy everything that represents the humanity of the world?

Maybe, just maybe, it isn’t anything so complicated. Humor me here, but I think I have a good explanation for you. Could it be, just possibly, that the weasel who did this was just a moronic vandal who was bored with bird hunting and in his delirium, and lack of mental capacity, decided that it would be a good idea to shoot up a few inanimate objects? Could it be that he was motivated by nothing so noble as hate, and was just a simple criminal?

If we read hate into every crime that is committed, then we must assume that the guy who shoots at highway signs is really committing a hate crime against the highway department, and the guy who litters in a national park is really committing a hate crime against the Sierra Club, and the guy who poaches an animal out of season is really committing a hate crime against legal hunters everywhere. That is the problem with hate crimes. They are subjective, and they depend on the perceptions of everyone but the person who commits the crime. The thing is, the person who commits the crime is usually not smart enough to have articulated such a great reason to commit it. Is the guy who pulled this stunt guilty of a hate crime? Doubtfully. More than likely he’s just a dumb, dim-witted, simple crook.

Peace,

Wisdom